How to Tell Your Partner You Have an STD

Dating involves many awkward conversations, from the getting-to-know-you small talk to the dreaded “Are you seeing other people?” But telling your partner that you have a sexually transmitted disease (STD) or sexually transmitted infection (STI) definitely takes the cake. 

There’s a lot of misinformation and stigma surrounding sexual health, and most of us were never taught how to talk about STIs with a partner. It’s something no one relishes doing, but discussing sexual health is not only important but essential. Most sexually transmitted diseases aren't a big deal, but if left untreated, they can lead to more serious health problems, so it's crucial to diagnose and treat them early.

Keep scrolling for some tips on how to tell your partner you have an STD. 

When is the right time to tell someone you have an STD?

If you know you have an STD, the right time to tell someone is before you have sex (including oral sex or any form of sexual contact). However, if you have already had sex with someone and find out you have an STD, it’s important to tell them then too. You don’t have to add it to your Hinge profile (although if you want to, more power to you), but if you feel things are about to get physical with a new partner, try to broach the subject before starting a sexual relationship.

It’s always a good idea to ask any new sex partners when they last got tested. If either of you hasn’t been tested recently, you can both schedule some time to get tested at a healthcare clinic. It can feel awkward to bring it up, but prevention is the most effective way of stopping the spread of STIs.

Context matters, of course. If you tested positive for something curable like chlamydia or gonorrhea, you don’t have to tell someone you haven’t slept with as long as you complete all of the treatment before you have sex. You can happily abstain from having sex until you’ve been treated and you test negative again. But if you live with an STD like herpes or human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), which can’t be cured, it’s essential that you be upfront before having any kind of sex with someone. 

How to prepare to talk about STDs with your partner 

STIs are incredibly common, and it's crucial to remember that when two consenting adults have sex, they're doing so at their own risk (whether that risk is an STI, an unplanned pregnancy, or getting your heart broken down the line). Around one in five people in the US has an STI on any given day. 

Still, it’s never easy to tell someone you’re sleeping with that you’ve been diagnosed with an infection. To make the conversation go as well as possible, practice what you will say beforehand. Here are a few tips to help you prepare:

• Give yourself space to process: There are a lot of emotions that come up when you test positive for an STI, whether it’s shock, disappointment, fear, or denial. Give yourself some time to acknowledge those feelings.
• Do your homework: It’s helpful to read up on the subject so you’re ready to answer any questions and reassure them that they can get treated easily. Brush up on the treatment options, transmission, and prevention, so you can answer questions and correct common myths. Don't worry if you're not an expert on the topic — just arm yourself with some basic knowledge. STIs are shrouded in misinformation, so you can approach the discussion more confidently and put your partner’s mind at ease by being well-prepared.
• Pick the right moment: Choose a quiet, private time to talk when neither of you is distracted or in a rush. Ideally, find a time when you’re not getting intimate. 
• Set the tone: Approach the chat with calm, honesty, and compassion. The way you frame the news can strongly influence how your partner responds.
• Don’t take it personally: Be prepared for some uncomfortable questions about your sexual history or even a bit of judgment. Most of us grew up with inadequate (or non-existent) sex ed, so your partner may be misinformed about STIs. It’s understandable if they get a bit panicked or upset about the news, but try not to get defensive. You probably felt some type of way when you got your test results back, too!

How to tell your partner you have an STD

It's natural to feel nervous when disclosing a positive STI status to someone, especially if you’re at the start of a relationship. It’s an awkward conversation, but you’re doing the responsible thing in the end. And your partner(s) will appreciate the honesty, regardless of how they react (more on that below). 

At the end of the day, disclosing your STI status with a partner is a matter of both public health and basic decency. This way, you give them a chance to decide for themselves whether they’re comfortable having sex, knowing what the risk is.

Talking about chlamydia 

Chlamydia is one of the most common STIs, and one of the easiest to treat. Still, bringing it up can feel awkward, especially if your partner assumes that a positive result must mean you were unfaithful. In reality, chlamydia is often completely symptomless, so many people carry it for months, or even years, without realizing it. That’s why routine testing is so important.

When telling a partner, it can help to start with the facts: chlamydia is a bacterial infection that’s typically cured with a short course of antibiotics. Let them know you’ve already started treatment or plan to, and emphasize that both partners need to be treated to prevent passing it back and forth.

If they’re concerned or confused, you can gently explain that this isn’t about blame, but rather being proactive with your health. Since chlamydia can go unnoticed for so long, it’s often impossible to know who had it first. That doesn’t mean anyone was unfaithful; it just means you're both doing the right thing now.

Talking about herpes 

Bringing up herpes with a partner can feel nerve-wracking because it’s one of the few STDs that aren’t treatable. The key is to have the conversation with honesty and confidence, ideally before becoming sexually active.

Choose a time and place where you’ll both feel safe and unrushed. Framing the conversation as a step toward trust rather than a confession can help shift the tone. Herpes is manageable with medication, and most people with herpes go on to have healthy, fulfilling relationships. Sharing your status gives your partner the chance to make informed decisions and shows that you respect them (and yourself).

When talking about herpes, help them understand what it is: a virus that lives in the body long-term but is usually dormant. Many people who have herpes never have noticeable symptoms. If you do experience outbreaks, let your partner know when your last one was and how often they tend to occur. You can also explain that outbreaks are often triggered by things like stress or illness, and that antiviral medications can significantly reduce their frequency and severity, as well as the risk of transmission.

Address the stigma head-on by reinforcing that herpes doesn’t define you and that it’s not a “dirty” condition. Many people have it, and with good communication and preventive steps (like using condoms and avoiding sex during outbreaks), the risk of passing it on can be minimized.

Let your partner ask questions, and don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know” and look up answers together. See this as a chance to build intimacy and trust through transparency. If they need time to process, that’s okay too. Let them know you’re open to talking again when they’re ready.

Talking about HIV 

Disclosing an HIV-positive status to a partner can feel really overwhelming, especially given the stigma that still surrounds the condition. But with today's treatments, people living with HIV can lead full, healthy lives — and, importantly, prevent transmitting the virus to others.

Approach the subject with honesty and confidence. Remember that you are not your diagnosis, and sharing this information shows respect and care for your partner's well-being.

Explain that with consistent treatment (antiretroviral therapy), HIV can become undetectable in the blood. And according to the well-established principle of U=U (undetectable = untransmittable), people with undetectable HIV do not transmit the virus to sexual partners. Let your partner know what steps you’re taking to stay healthy and prevent transmission. If relevant, talk about condom use or other preventive tools like pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP), which drastically reduces the chance of HIV infection in HIV-negative partners.

Allow them to ask questions and express how they’re feeling. Address common misconceptions (like the outdated belief that HIV is a death sentence) and offer facts instead. If they need time, respect that. Processing this kind of news can take a moment, especially for someone who hasn't been closely exposed to HIV before.

Remind them (and yourself) that this conversation isn’t just about risk. It’s about trust, agency, and the kind of healthy relationship you want to build. Being open about your status allows you both to make informed, empowered choices about your health and intimacy.

How to tell someone you have an STD after you've slept with them

The best time to talk about STIs is before you have sex with someone new, but we know that isn’t always realistic. 

Many STIs don't cause any symptoms, which means you might have one but not know it. Or maybe your last results came back negative, but someone else gave you an STI after. Whatever the reason, shit STIs happen. If you test positive after you’ve had sex with someone, the same rules apply: let them know ASAP.

It can be as simple as sending a text message that says: “Hey, I recently went for a routine STD check, and my test results came back positive for [insert STI]. It doesn’t always cause symptoms, so you should get tested even if you feel fine. The clinic told me it’s easily treated, though!” 

It’s super important that you both get tested and treated before having sex again. Otherwise, you could get the STI again. Having an STI and not getting it treated can lead to long-term health problems, like chronic pelvic pain and infertility. 

If you don’t want to tell your sexual partners that you contracted an STI, sometimes your sexual health clinic does that for you anonymously. If that option isn’t available to you, or you’d prefer to tell them yourself, remember that you're simply disclosing information, not admitting guilt or wrongdoing. You’re not “dirty” or “loose” if you contract an STI, and neither is the person who gave it to you. 

Dealing with a negative reaction 

It's normal to feel anxious or embarrassed about disclosing STI status to a partner. However, a caring partner will remain calm and understand that anyone sexually active can contract STIs. They might get a bit upset or shocked by the news (totally valid), but it’s never okay to be aggressive or disrespectful.

Sometimes, your partner might freak out or not react as you hoped. If that's the case, just know their response doesn't reflect your worth. The most you can do is answer their questions or point them toward trusted resources (like a healthcare provider, where they can get tested and receive treatment). But remember, you're not responsible for how your partner reacts. 

If you're worried that your partner might react negatively when you tell them you have an STD, it might be worth having the talk over the phone as opposed to face-to-face. 

If things start to go south or you don't feel safe, it's perfectly fine to take a break and return to it when they've had some time to calm down. It's normal for them to need time to process things, but they should never make you feel bad or inadequate. 

FAQs

Do you have to inform your partner if you have an STD? 

There are no laws that require you to tell someone you have an STD, but it’s the right thing to do. Disclosing your STD status before having sex with someone allows them to make an informed decision and decide for themselves if they want to take the risk. It’s a difficult conversation to have, but it’s important that you let them know for both their health and yours, and to reduce the risk of passing it on. 

How do you react to someone telling you they have an STD?

Feeling upset, surprised, and even angry at the news is understandable, but try not to blame or shame them. STDs are incredibly common, and, for the most part, they’re nothing more than an inconvenience. If someone you’re casually dating (or had a one-night stand with) tells you they have an STD, feel free to ask them follow-up questions and then book yourself an appointment to get tested. And make sure that you both complete all of your treatment (or follow your doctor’s instructions) before sleeping together again. If your long-term, exclusive partner tests positive for an STD, remember that it’s not always a sign of infidelity. Some STDs take months, if not years, to show up on a test. Have an honest conversation with your partner about how to have a safer sex life, and make sure to get tested at least once a year or any time you have a new sex partner. 

Would you forgive someone for giving you an STD?

Whether or not you forgive someone for giving you an STD is your decision to make, and it’s ok if that’s a deal-breaker for you. STDs are no one’s idea of a fun time, but that being said, they’re incredibly common (about 1 in 5 people have an STI on any given day in the US), and there’s no way to protect yourself against them entirely (unless you don’t have sex). Having an STD doesn’t make you “dirty” or unfaithful, and sometimes you can contract one even if you’ve been really careful and used protection. 

Does an STD mean your partner is cheating?

Not necessarily. Getting an STD does not automatically mean your partner is cheating. Many sexually transmitted infections can be present in the body without causing symptoms, sometimes for months or even years. It’s entirely possible for someone to unknowingly carry an infection from a past relationship and only discover it after routine testing or when their current partner tests positive. This is especially true for STIs like chlamydia, human papillomavirus (HPV), or herpes, which can remain dormant or cause very mild symptoms that go unnoticed. In long-term, monogamous relationships, a positive STI result can understandably raise concerns, but it’s important to approach the situation with open communication and without jumping to conclusions. If you or your partner tests positive, the best next step is to talk honestly, get tested together if needed, and follow through with treatment. STI transmission is a medical issue, not a reflection of someone’s character or relationship loyalty in every case.